It’s very difficult to be as reactionary a person as I am. I scowl a lot because people love to antagonize me. I can't blame them really; the throbbing head veins and twitching eyes must be quite the spectacle. It’s been said I have so many buttons to push that sitting down to a conversation with me is like buckling into the cockpit of a 747. My friend’s current Sam-trigger of choice…the iPhone.

It’s easy to assume that nearly everyone has heard of the iPhone. Little old ladies mumble about it as they shuffle around the counters of Hometown Buffet, I’m fairly sure African tribes click about it amongst themselves and yes, it’s been called the JesusPhone numerous times. Yet, with all this hype comes the inherent skepticism. Is this “phone to change all phones” really anything special? Are we again being duped with a great design that is actually a lackluster product? ::looks at Motorola RAZR sheepishly:: Yes, the iPhone is that special, and the differences that make it so special stick out like Paris Hilton at a meeting for people who are famous because they actually did something noteworthy.

It’s best to compare/contrast with something that Verizon has been touting as an iPhone killer, the Verizon/LG Voyager. It seems like every other phone company has been iPhone hunting lately. The LG is the main ammunition my little devil’s advocate ‘friends’ like to hurl at me. You know, the Voyager actually has some things going for it. If you need an actual, physical QWERTY keyboard this is your product, but to say because it has one it is an “iPhone killer” well, yeah this thing is twice the thickness of the iPhone. Tradeoffs are key here. It also features that creaky, plasticy build; an LG tradition. In its defense, it uses Verizon’s really great 3G network which delivers broadband-like speeds to your phone. In its current form, the iPhone only reaches 2.5G speeds. Again though, the Voyager is twice the thickness. However, the Voyager lacks very essential features that make the iPhone what it is…accelerometers so the phone can tell which way it’s titled, not present, WiFi, not present, infrared sensors that can tell phone the phone is against your ear and turns the screen off to conserve power, yup gone too, and perhaps most important of all (physically)…a capacitive touch screen. What is this capacitive tom-foolery I speak of? Well, put simply, having a capacitive screen means that the device can recognize gestures and input from multiple fingers (toes?). The iPhone’s pinch and rotate features would not function without this. It’s provides for a much more interactive experience, provided the company using the technology has the software to back this innovation up.

But over everything else is what some people still fail to get about the iPhone (and Apple in general)…it’s all about the software. Every piece of the iPhone puzzle is made to work with every other piece. The Voyager’s menu, while certainly the best Verizon has offered to date, is still just a phone menu that you can navigate through with your fingers. The front pages of the menus are nice enough but this beauty is only skin deep. As soon as you start using it you notice the software is at least 3 years behind the iPhone. Submenus look the same as the ones on button-control phones. In contrast, the iPhone’s software is made first and foremost with touch input in mind. Where the HTC Touch and LG Voyager constantly remind you that you are using a phone with touch capabilities, the iPhone is like a mini computer. There are no limits to what you can do and websites render themselves as quickly and accurately as on a full sized computer. Every obscure little submenu is as meticulously designed as the main screen. Even making calendar appointments on the iPhone is a joy and easier that it has ever been on a phone...I haven't even talked about how Apple has completely changed voice mail. It’s more than mere details; it’s a difference in philosophy and engineering abilities.

…and then there’s Microsoft’s take on this whole phone fad. The man running the show, angry white man Steve Ballmer (I would like to see someone more out of sync with the actually industry than this man), originally said of the iPhone, “no one is going to pay $500 for a phone.” Brilliant Steve, that’s pretty much the CEO equivalent of putting your hands in your ears and singing, “LALALA, I can’t hear you.” Well the iPhone sold, and took over 30% of the smart phone market in its first 6 months.

So what does good old MS give us as a response? Surface and Windows Mobile. Windows Mobile 6.1 is still a mess. It still feels like an ancient platform with little bits of shiny new graphics to throw the average consumer off the pungent scent of its inherent mediocrity. Delve just one sub-menu deep and you’re still looking squarely at ugly, logic defying menu sequences. Well I suppose this is one area where Microsoft has actually served up some continuity…Windows Vista is very much built on this same model. Surface is a much more thoughtfully conceived concept (although that Zune laying on the Surface is clearly wishful thinking for MS), with seemingly good graphics and menu systems, but it basically does what the iPhone does in a device that is for all intents and purposes a large coffee table (is that a coffee table in your pocket or are you just…). It also costs well over $10,000. Yeah…take that Apple.

So, I won’t argue with you about Marc Jacobs' spring 2008 line, or hell, anything related to math. In return, please don’t argue with me about electronics and cars. I don’t own the truth but at least I know it. This stuff keeps me up at night kids. For reals.