It’s very difficult to look cool and use a Bluetooth headset. You’ll look like Mr. Borg from Planet Cyclon no matter what. That’s a given. But imagine driving a stick and needing to talk and needing to not hit the old lady in the sand colored Camry next to me. Coolness had to take a back seat to my will to live.

Make no mistake, I love gadget quests. I usually don’t have to do very much research, as gadget research just happens to be my hobby. So I started with the obvious, the Jawbone.

The Jawbone is really a wonderful design. Minimalist and surprisingly hip looking, it does away with any tacky blue lights and unnecessary buttons. Actually it doesn’t even look like it has a button on it at all. You press the whole front face of the thing to activate it. You know…like a Mac mouse. My mom would clearly not know how to use it due to it’s simplicity and that was a definite turn-on. It also has really great sound quality and actively blocks out background noise. What a charmer right? Yeah, except the Jawbone is twice the size it should be. So any cool cache that it racked up for it’s wonderful design is negated by it’s size. I don’t need a headset that looks like it’s actually holding my jaw together. Moving on.

I think I’ve made it plenty clear that I love retro-future stuff. If I could live in Disneyland’s Monsanto House of the Future (future post) from the 1960s I would. This little obsession lead me to the Motorola H12. It looks like a cross between a 1960s transistor radio, HAL9000 and the iPhone. So me. It’s really small (half the size of the hugeantic Jawbone), has noise cancellation, and includes 2 different chargers. You really only need one but I love that they included a fancy magnetic stand (a la Apple Magsafe) to showcase this deliciousness and a travel one with a cover that both charges and protects. Two stands are clearly unnecessary but serve to show how much Motorola has put into the design of this headset. Plus, panty-dropper David Beckham is the ‘face’ of the H12. Sold.

But what about the iPhone Bluetooth Headset? It’s small, and gorgeous, but you know what? It just doesn’t work that well. Technology is not yet up to the task of making such a small headset possible. It’s a shame but Apple should have held off on this one.

SIL = Shit I Love.

Update: Looks like the new Aliph Jawbone (Jawbone 2?) has made it to the FCC. Supposedly it's smaller than the current one and it looks like it's crafted out of surplus decoration from a 1957 Plymouth. So I love it.

It's very difficult to keep the floor clean. You either have to push a vacuum around or pay someone to push a vacuum around. Either way you just end up with a clean floor that is inevitably going to get just as dirty as it was. As Wozniak put it, generally, smart people don't clean. I personally find it completely cyclical and completely boring. Although people who are good at math usually like vacuuming. For some reason there's a correlation between the two.

So, on the 8th day, Christ Jesus created the robot. I love robots. They beep and click and whir as they clomp around sucking up left over crack from last night's "20-somethings-of-leisure" party. You can imagine my excitement with Pixar Disney's latest computer animated wonder Wall-E.

Wall-E is about a little robot, left on earth to clean up after us humans have left for other planets. However, Wall-E develops a malfunction...emotions. He later falls in love with a shiney white super advanced robot and awesomeness ensues. It also has that slick retro-future, old school tomorrowland feel to it which will make any design nut melt.



Ever notice how Pixar stuff is a little better than the rest? Yup, it's another of Steve Job's brain children and you can see the same industry leading patterns from them as we see from Apple in the computer realm. When Disney aquired Pixar I almost lost it. Match made in heaven. Apple's new operating system, Leopard, actually has a little bit of a 60's optimism/retro-space feel to it (Time Machine's starfield innerface). Mind Meld! Let's just say they use A LOT of Macs in the Disney empire, and it shows.

It’s very difficult to be as reactionary a person as I am. I scowl a lot because people love to antagonize me. I can't blame them really; the throbbing head veins and twitching eyes must be quite the spectacle. It’s been said I have so many buttons to push that sitting down to a conversation with me is like buckling into the cockpit of a 747. My friend’s current Sam-trigger of choice…the iPhone.

It’s easy to assume that nearly everyone has heard of the iPhone. Little old ladies mumble about it as they shuffle around the counters of Hometown Buffet, I’m fairly sure African tribes click about it amongst themselves and yes, it’s been called the JesusPhone numerous times. Yet, with all this hype comes the inherent skepticism. Is this “phone to change all phones” really anything special? Are we again being duped with a great design that is actually a lackluster product? ::looks at Motorola RAZR sheepishly:: Yes, the iPhone is that special, and the differences that make it so special stick out like Paris Hilton at a meeting for people who are famous because they actually did something noteworthy.

It’s best to compare/contrast with something that Verizon has been touting as an iPhone killer, the Verizon/LG Voyager. It seems like every other phone company has been iPhone hunting lately. The LG is the main ammunition my little devil’s advocate ‘friends’ like to hurl at me. You know, the Voyager actually has some things going for it. If you need an actual, physical QWERTY keyboard this is your product, but to say because it has one it is an “iPhone killer” well, yeah this thing is twice the thickness of the iPhone. Tradeoffs are key here. It also features that creaky, plasticy build; an LG tradition. In its defense, it uses Verizon’s really great 3G network which delivers broadband-like speeds to your phone. In its current form, the iPhone only reaches 2.5G speeds. Again though, the Voyager is twice the thickness. However, the Voyager lacks very essential features that make the iPhone what it is…accelerometers so the phone can tell which way it’s titled, not present, WiFi, not present, infrared sensors that can tell phone the phone is against your ear and turns the screen off to conserve power, yup gone too, and perhaps most important of all (physically)…a capacitive touch screen. What is this capacitive tom-foolery I speak of? Well, put simply, having a capacitive screen means that the device can recognize gestures and input from multiple fingers (toes?). The iPhone’s pinch and rotate features would not function without this. It’s provides for a much more interactive experience, provided the company using the technology has the software to back this innovation up.

But over everything else is what some people still fail to get about the iPhone (and Apple in general)…it’s all about the software. Every piece of the iPhone puzzle is made to work with every other piece. The Voyager’s menu, while certainly the best Verizon has offered to date, is still just a phone menu that you can navigate through with your fingers. The front pages of the menus are nice enough but this beauty is only skin deep. As soon as you start using it you notice the software is at least 3 years behind the iPhone. Submenus look the same as the ones on button-control phones. In contrast, the iPhone’s software is made first and foremost with touch input in mind. Where the HTC Touch and LG Voyager constantly remind you that you are using a phone with touch capabilities, the iPhone is like a mini computer. There are no limits to what you can do and websites render themselves as quickly and accurately as on a full sized computer. Every obscure little submenu is as meticulously designed as the main screen. Even making calendar appointments on the iPhone is a joy and easier that it has ever been on a phone...I haven't even talked about how Apple has completely changed voice mail. It’s more than mere details; it’s a difference in philosophy and engineering abilities.

…and then there’s Microsoft’s take on this whole phone fad. The man running the show, angry white man Steve Ballmer (I would like to see someone more out of sync with the actually industry than this man), originally said of the iPhone, “no one is going to pay $500 for a phone.” Brilliant Steve, that’s pretty much the CEO equivalent of putting your hands in your ears and singing, “LALALA, I can’t hear you.” Well the iPhone sold, and took over 30% of the smart phone market in its first 6 months.

So what does good old MS give us as a response? Surface and Windows Mobile. Windows Mobile 6.1 is still a mess. It still feels like an ancient platform with little bits of shiny new graphics to throw the average consumer off the pungent scent of its inherent mediocrity. Delve just one sub-menu deep and you’re still looking squarely at ugly, logic defying menu sequences. Well I suppose this is one area where Microsoft has actually served up some continuity…Windows Vista is very much built on this same model. Surface is a much more thoughtfully conceived concept (although that Zune laying on the Surface is clearly wishful thinking for MS), with seemingly good graphics and menu systems, but it basically does what the iPhone does in a device that is for all intents and purposes a large coffee table (is that a coffee table in your pocket or are you just…). It also costs well over $10,000. Yeah…take that Apple.

So, I won’t argue with you about Marc Jacobs' spring 2008 line, or hell, anything related to math. In return, please don’t argue with me about electronics and cars. I don’t own the truth but at least I know it. This stuff keeps me up at night kids. For reals.

It’s very difficult to understand Australians. Half the time you legitimately can’t understand what they’re talking about and the rest of the time you’re not listening to what they’re saying because you keep thinking about how hot it would be to date one, if just to have them say “what do you want for breaky this morning?"

Without a doubt the best Australian import of recent is “Kath & Kim.” It’s basically an amalgamation of Absolutely Fabulous and Arrested Development and it's amazing. Also, it's alarmingly like my own life. So, go ahead and crack open a bottle of Cardonnay (yes, it’s CARdonnay) and enjoy yourself some Kath & Kim.

Oh, and if your hornbag Australian lover ever asks what you want for breaky you’ll know how to respond; “footie franks and squashed fly bickies please.” Although that pretty much equates to hot dogs and oatmeal-raisin cookies, you'll still feel so clever...and even if it makes you sound tarded, at least you have a foxy Australian in your bed.

Enjoy this Kath & Kim preview...

It's very difficult to remain hip AND nurture a habit of needing to be in constant communication. Yes, we do have our iPhones which are default cool but tapping away on it still kinda makes you look like a socially awkward dweeb.

Pownce is a wonderful solution. It's something like the "my status" function from facebook with a splash of iChat. Check out the screenshot (Mac program on the left, Windows on the right. Note how much better Mac renders text). Best of all it completely eliminates the immediacy that is inherent to messages send via TXT, or IM but you canstill check it on your precious iPhone (yes there is a dedicated iPhone web app).

www.pownce.com

Plus it has other great features like file & linksharing as well as a calendar function which not only allows you to impress your friends with how many ironic hipster parties you'll be attending but also lets you invite them to partake. Sharing LOL cat pictures has never been easier or more discrete.

It’s very difficult to be retired. For my father, retirement means endless hours of worrying and fretting. It’s his favorite pastime. It’s his building wooden toys for underprivileged children. To compound this, he is left alone for hours with unrestricted access to CNN and MSNBC (he prefers watching his news in HD, the higher line resolution some how makes the commentary more true). As he watched the economy deflate in all its HD glory he started to batten down the hatches and lower the lifeboats.

So, with the clammy, shaking hands of poverty closing in on my parent’s financial throat, the untimely event of my mother’s lease termination loomed in the hazy future. The glazed-over look in my father’s eyes as he typed in his bank account password was all that was need to know that the next car would NOT be another Audi.

So herein rose my dilemma. Baby boomers look upon Japanese cars as if they were made out of some sort of magic reliability secret potion. 20 years ago that was almost the reality compared to what Detroit was creaking out, but in this day and age reliability and quality disparages are a thing of the past. They’re called robots you silly boomers. Everyone uses the some ones. Still it had been hard enough to drag them onto the Audi lot originally and while the Audi had been the most reliable and meticulously crafted car they had ever owned I was still worried that the downsize would result in a reversion to their old views on what they thought were sensible vehicles.

Now, it’s universally understood by the automotive world that Audis have the best interiors on the market today. They’re the stuff designer’s dreams are made of. From the little LED lights inside the door handles to jewel-like instrument gauges, Audi interiors are what Lexus’ want to be when they grow up. I feared losing this special feeling. Going from the Audi to a Civic or Corolla must be akin to what Marie Antoinette felt when moving from Versailles to the Conciergerie Prison. Well maybe that’s exaggerated but I vaguely remember a semi-subconscious nose upturn when stepping into the Corolla/Civic/Sentra from the Audi. Put simply, and as snobby as it may sound, it’s hard to step from a German car into a Japanese one. They’re built with different philosophies. Germans build small cars, the Japanese build economy cars.

Yes, you silly American, there is a difference. You see, in Europe a small car doesn’t mean you’re making sacrifices, it means you’re smart. Thusly European small cars are designed with the comfort and features of a large car, just in a smaller package. This is often referred to as 1 sausage (wurst?), 3 different lengths (small, medium, large). It's the same basic car just in 3 different sizes.

Then we chanced upon the VW Rabbit. It was different, and you could tell the first time you move your hand over the dashboard. It’s a pint-sized luxury car in a sea of econo-boxes. It has those little things that make the difference and get us design freaks all hot and bothered. Things that many may not even appreciate but make all the difference to someone with more than mild case of OCD. Case in point…

1. The handle to open the rear hatch is actually the VW symbol itself. It pivots in and becomes a handle. Simple, brilliant and undeniably Apple-like.
2. The tiny silver cap on the inside of the headlight cluster is in fact a VW symbol.
3. The ridiculously richly finished rear hatch loading area. The groceries in the Rabbit enjoy higher quality carpeting than the front seat occupants of lesser small cars.
4. The red LED lights embedded in the ceiling that bathe the cabin in a subtle red glow so that you can see where your hands are in relation to the button you are trying to press at night.
5. The large dot matrix computer display in between the speedo and tach that give you information like which door is open, what track is playing from your iPod, how many miles you can go till empty, which tire has low pressure and even if you need more wiper fluid.

And oh my the standard features. Tire pressure monitors, auto up/down power windows for everyone, heated seats, automatic climate control, side mirror turn signals, full size spare tire, trip computer, 8 airbags, 6-disc CD changer, drive-by-wire steering, 170 horsepower 5-cylinder engine. All in a cabin built with the materials and quality of a Mercedes or Audi (and yes I know Audi and Bentley are made by VW). All for $19,000? Forget Acura, VW takes bargain luxury to a whole new level.

So a 2008, United Gray, 5-speed, 5-door VW Rabbit is officially the newest car in my parent’s automotive stable, er hutch. Now if only we could have gotten our hands on one of those special edition ‘harlequin’ Rabbits…

One thing’s for sure, Nancy’s new VW Rabbit has more features and a faster 0-60 time than my 2006 Mercedes and that’s no laughing matter. Next time instead of driving your old Corolla straight to the Toyota dealership to trade it in for a new one do yourself a favor and see what VW has to offer. VW’s newest little frankfurter burner is one heck of a frisky little thing. The dub's legendary craftsmanship and attention to detail is still alive and hopping.